sutiksna usada, sudarma marga


just like another education field, every profession has their own stereotype among each other. as for us doctor, quite exceptional that surgeons were adhered to un-doctor stuff: alpha arrogant, half-athlete, party-drunkard, dare-devil, witty lovers, playful cheaters, heavy spenders, etc. above all, surgeons rock unlike those of gleeish intmed bollocks. and when you’re trapped in a field full of bookworms and preps with straightforward life, seeing bunch of people that enjoys living was rather joyous. it was attracting and rather, inviting.

most of us push our brains to the limit in the written exams, in the interview, try ourselves even harder in the osce’s, only to be acknowledged as one amongst their ranks. it’s funny now after i’m an orthopaedic resident, i hardly recognise myself on why i should be ortho & trauma surgeon at the very beginning. no, seriously, i lost my words when asked reasons why i should be one. instead, i might gave you thousands reasons why i should quit.

it was hard by nature, even harder by the hierarchy. the system required you to suffer to your lowest point of your life. shift schedule was there but not really there as you’re obliged to stay at hospital as long as it must, leaving your loved ones home. you are never at ease, because when you are, chief will give you extra work just to see you suffer. your respond time was metered and you must always be available on the phone or im. you’re posed with long operation hours – most of which are done standing and of course, stressful.

handling patient means you work something with your hand, not depending on the drugs solely. the lives of your patient lingers on your hands, along with their joy and sorrow, as bloods might be spilled like water in a fountain when you cut open. it was not a game where you can reboot and remake your decision. you are to be in total control of everything, you’re a solid rock — unshaken, unaffected by emotion. you can not miss anything, not single anatomical structure or a bandage inside someone’s abdomen oror pelv.

it’s so irrational that i haven’t got any of resignation letter on the chief’s desk, given all of those major turndowns, but for one thing:

i know i love the thrills.